On February 2, 2012 I had taken a picture with my oldest daughter "S", formerCatholic School Principal, at my Grandmother’s funeral in a church I grew upattending with my iPhone. Later that night I looked at the picture, and saidout loud, “What happened to me?” I was so overweight. I looked so tired andworn down. I know I was at a funeral but OMG!, Changes had to be made right away.If I hadn’t taken that picture with Sr. Mary Lou that day, I would have nevernoticed. How could I? The focus has been off me for so long. As most womenbecome wife, mother, sister, friend, career woman, we fall into the role ofcaregiver. In all my adult years, I’ve been taking care of and doing for othersto the point of total exhaustion. I had been so giving to others without givinganything back to myself. The end result of years of neglect wasn't glamorous at all, that picture showed that I was depleted, run down, andunhealthy. It's funny how one picture put everything into perspective for me, because "good or bad" - the camera never lies.
The lesson learned - I am important. I have needs. I have to takecare of myself first, so I can take care of others properly – my husband, mychildren, my family, my friends, and my community. Unfortunately for 20 years Ihad it all wrong – putting myself or "my" happiness first was notselfish, it's self-love. It meansthat I needed to start doing things that nurture my body, mind, and spiritEVERY DAY.
First I had to learn that loving yourself is not something you feel issomething you do. I looked through volumes of personal writing journals, andthere weren't any pages of what I was doing for myself - page after page wasfilled with problems at home, struggles with my self-worth, and difficulties atwork. I've learned that being good to yourself takes little time andeffort. Adding a few, small, loving actions into my daily routing is one of themost effect ways for me to practice self-love.
Every day is a 24 hour gift of life. Here are some wonderful suggestions tohelp you get the most out of every hour, every day, every month, every year,and your life.
1. Move your body:
a. Daily exercise routine - I find going to my neighborhood "SpaLady" gym is a peaceful, energizing experience. I get to change my environment andimmerse myself into my triathlon workout. Biking, swimming, and running are allvery liberating and rewarding. I increase the intensity and length of time everyweek and I feel powerful. There are many things I cannot control in my life on any given day, but being good to my body is just what I need to feel balanced, happy, andconfident.
b. Go for a "soul stroll." Opt for awalk in a park, around a pond, on a beach - or any place that is beautiful toyou. Enjoy the fresh air, appreciated your surroundings and relax. I like tocall this "walking meditation." Concentrate on your breathing, createa mantra (breathe in and say "I am calm" and breathe out 'I amlove"), and try to walk gently so your feet barely touch the ground. Even15 minutes will lift your spirit, clear your mind, and give you a boost ofenergy.
c. Put on your favorite CD dance around, sing yourheart out, and just have fun.
d. Learn how do play an organized game (bowling,soccer, volley ball) by joining a team. You will meet new people increasingyour "friend circle" and confidence.
e. Lighten up and Laugh: Take a moment to thinkabout who or what makes you laugh. Is it animal antics, comedians, cartoons, acertain friend, jokes, games, a TV Show, hearing a funny story, playing withyour partner, children, or pets? Think about your sense of humor and what makesyou smile. I make a conscience effort to do something every day that inviteslaughter into my life. I love watching my dog, Taco, playing around the house -truly a comedian. I love to watch "Hot in Cleveland" and "TheBig Bang Theory" - guaranteed laughs every time.
f. Visualize your hearts desires : What better wayto love yourself than to spend time every day consciously creating the lifethat makes you soul sing. Do you know what you really want? Can you describethe life your heart longs to live? The clearer you are about what you want, themore chance you have of creating it. There are many books and resources thatteach visualization and manifestation techniques. Actually my hearts desire isto create a life that combines – writing (LivingMindfully 2day blog – check),children (Little Philosophers Tutoring Service for Summer/Fall 2012), family (EpikosConsignment Clothing Boutique – check), Eco-friendly communities (Educatingchildren about backyard gardening “The Nia Gardening Project” – check), with a beautifulbeach house right off the water just like Ernest Hemingway's house in theFlorida Keys to vacation with my family (sans the suicidal thoughts of course LOL). Bewilling to take a risk and do something every day that moves you closer to yourheart's desire.
g. Do something fun: I love the phrase "Nothing inlife is pleasant or unpleasant. It's just how your mind chooses to see it."Some mornings when I get out of bed my soul aches, and I feel a little blue.That's when I ask myself, "What can I do today that would be fun forme?" In the past waiting for the answer was an arduous task, but as the days roll by the answerunfolds and becomes quite clear. I've started painting again - It alwaysbrings me so much happiness. I'm learning about creating Terrariums because Ilove to make gifts for family and friends during the holiday (haven't done thatin forever too). Fun for me is unleashing my creative talents, and they arecoming back one at a time - pleasantly making my life fun again.
h. Be Kind to Yourself: We've become so accustomed tohaving conversation about ourselves - most of us are unaware of how unkind yourinner talk has affected your life. When you love and accept yourself, yourthoughts are generally positive and affirming. But if you’re like many people,the voice inside your head is an unrelenting inner critic, pointing out whatyou've done wrong, making judgments, and telling you how unworthy you are. Whatdo you say to yourself when you look in the mirror or think about your body?What thoughts go through your mind when you make a mistake? How do you speak toyourself when things aren't going well? I've found this great technique thatcuts negative self-talk off at mid-sentence. When you notice that you are beingunkind to yourself, snap your finger, and then say something positive aboutthat subject instead. If you can't find anything positive to say, then focusthe positive energy on yourself. It will take some practice, but I learned thatindex cards with positive statements and affirmations helped me a lot. You canpost them on a mirror, the refrigerator, or just carry them in your car orpurse. Just make sure you have at least 5 cards about you commenting on yourstrengths and best body features. I had to become my own cheerleader, and youcan do it too - "D, D - is the best. I'm the best (painter), from east towest." or "I have the best (eyes), from east to west.
i. Enhance your environment: Feeling good in the placesand spaces where you spend a lot of time is a great way to love yourself
1. change the desktop on your computer. 2. new wall/desk calendars. 3. addplants or fresh flowers to every room. 4. add photos of your children, pet, orloved ones to every room. 4. highlight a meaningful gift or card that makes youfeel wonderful and loved when you look at it. 5. Burn scented candles.
I'm creating a meditation space filled with terrarium plants, a handmadeoversized meditation pillow, a bell, my framed morning affirmation, andpictures of my children in a corner of my bedroom. I'm also working onorganizing, painting, decorating, and de-cluttering the whole house. Just a fewthings to keep me busy while I'm waiting for my life's dreams to come true.
j. Spend time with yourself: To love yourself you haveto know yourself and that means you need to spend some time alone. When you arearound other people, you are influenced by their energy, thoughts, feelings,and even expectations unconsciously. But when no one else is around and there'sno demands being placed on you, you can do something very important: listen toyour heart. Pay attention to what's really going on inside of you. When the madnessfinally stopped for me earlier this year, I heard the truth because my life suddenlybecame quiet. Now I listen to my heart, and it tells me to make time for myselfevery day.
k. Live for yourself: We as women, mothers, sisters,daughters, and friends learn at very early age to care for others. We play withdolls, and make them our babies to care for just as our mothers cared for us.We care for pets and plants around the house because we know on some level theydepend on us to stay alive. We help injured friends on the playground, andbring them home so our mother (a nurse) can fix them up properly. We take homeand feed stray cats and dogs until our mother finds out and makes us releasethem. We become babysitters to earn extra cash as teenagers. We take jobs asteachers, nurses, doctors, veterinarians, and daycare workers because we careabout the well-being of other people so much we make a living doing just that -caring for others. Take a moment to think about your life. Are you living yourlife out of obligation to others or for your own happiness?
One thing I know for sure is I will always live for myself. I am important,and so worthy of nothing less. Today I can honestly say I am happy. My life hasbecome balanced by practicing “SatiPatthana” (presence of mindfulness –mediation), incorporating fitness and exercise into my daily routine, and I havecommitted my family to a greener lifestyle by researching “Zero Waste” communities.I’m learning to love myself unconditionally because I am worthy to be loved. WhenI looked in the mirror this morning, I loved what I saw - face, body and all. I'vemade body changes that I (and my husband) truly appreciate by losing 50 poundsand regaining a healthier lifestyle. I take time for myself every day, and itis such a blessing to know who I am and what I want from my life. I’ve learnedto present myself to my husband flaws and all, because he has shown me that I havea safe place to go when I fall apart (and we all do sometimes) – right in his lovingarms. I'm learning to regain the happiness, joy, peace, patience, wisdom andtrust in my life through “mindful” meditation. I have a conversation with Godevery day and night, and I'm taking N to Church on Sunday so she knows thatGod is there for her too. A relationship with God will sustain you throughlife's adversities, and believe me - no one goes through life unscathed. My newmotto: Be strong, Hold on - Live long.
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| 50 pounds lighter May 2012 |
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